Friday, March 21, 2008

Flogging my Blog

It's been a pretty overwhelming week for me, and not just because I spent much of it in bed recovering from the flu.

Consider these two developments:

First, I discovered Paris Hilton is family.

Then, only a day later, I stumbled into a way to take this pathetic little blog global. I'll share the secret: Say something snide about Floyd Landis, so that his cyber-soigneurs take offense and call you out in a way that tittilates people from around the globe to see what you said.

They're two Holy Week gifts from God.

And I don't have the slightest clue what to do with either one.

The Landis quip, and Trust But Verify's link to it, got me more hits in a day than I'd had in the previous week or so, and they still keep banging in days later -- visitors from all over the U.S. and from foreign lands where hardly anyone speaks English, such as Germany and California.

I know this because I have a little gizmo on my website called Sitemeter, which not only counts my visitors, but tells me a little bit about them -- where they are, for instance, and what site referred them to mine. Usually, the Sitemeter shows me hitting my own site 13 times a day (I used to "hit my own site 13 times a day" when I was a lot younger, but in a different way) so that I can artificially inflate the web counter and leave phony comments that make other visitors -- both of them -- think my site is popular. But suddenly, the meter showed visitors dropping in from all over.

Which is exactly what I'm afraid will happen now that it's been made public that Paris and I are related. She has to know by now. And what timing: It's Easter weekend, and she probably has nowhere else to go -- so few real friends, and the rest of the family considers her a pariah. So I would not be surprised if she drops by on Sunday -- with about a million paparazzi in tow.

Like the Landis-related attention to my blog, this kind of visit would just be something for which I'm completely unprepared. And that bothers me. I need to think about ways to exploit this nexis of the naughty.

And I think I might have it. Look for a link on my blog to this video soon - if I can get a couple bucks per click, Snake Bite Racing might be riding some new Cervelos, pronto!

VOICEOVER: "When Floyd Landis needed to ride hard into Paris, he knew where to turn."

HILTON: "Floyd chooses Testoderm (R) brand patches. And I'm glaaaaad he does."

VOICEOVER: "Testoderm. When you need help climbing your own private mountains."

- JN

P.S.: Let's try this again: Floyd Landis! Floyd Landis! Floyd Landis! Cheater Cheater Cheater! (Now the Blogger server is gonna crash!)


Ray Huang said...

Is that a picture of you or Paris?? I cannot tell the family resemblance is so strong!!

Also-your not sick-I saw you riding down Fairmont today!!

Anonymous said...

Get over yourself. In the "blogosphere" you are less than noticeable.

JimmyNick said...

Wow! That hurt as bad as your punctuation!