If I could, I'd send a truckload of roses to the Florida Senate in Tallahassee.
The members of the Sunshine State's upper chamber are considering outlawing those idiotic saggy pants that hang halfway, or all the way, down the asses of young men, exposing their boxers and butts. The punishment for wearing them to school: suspension.
Hear hear. Long overdue. The only bad thing I hear about this bill is that it lacks corporal punishment for offenders.
Who says Florida is the CDC biohazard dumpster of the states, a backwater filled with mouth breathers, political Cro-Magnons, well-paid college football players and environment rapists? (Well, pretty much everyone, come to think of it -- except one of the 7 or 22 guys named Chris who ride with the Heightsriders group.)
But if Florida can produce something this enlightened, it should embolden all of us to engage ourselves civically and stand up against the assaults on our senses. Personally, I'm not just moved -- I'm inspired.
Starting tomorrow, I'm going to start a grass-roots campaign (I might even recruit a judge or some other unsavory politician for some up-front heft) to target things here that are just as insidious as those prison-inspired droopy drawers. Just a few things worth outlawing:
1) Hair protruding from any opening on a T-shirt or jersey.
2) Cycling shorts that say "Park Tool" on the rear, as though it were an invitation.
3) This:
4) or this:
5) Or, God forbid, this (WARNING: HEINOUSLY TASTELESS GRAPHIC CONTENT FOLLOWS. THINK TWICE ABOUT SCROLLING DOWN):
.
.
.
.
.
6) And this jackass, of course, could be shot on sight:
The cleanup would even be easy: With his hematocrit count, his blood would spill like toothpaste.
- JN
No comments:
Post a Comment